Dynamic Duos: Couples Leading Worship

Written by Helen Frye

Sunday, 23 November 2008

Helen Frye shares insights into worship leading - when leading as a couple. My husband Mike and I both lead worship – together. This unique, shared leadership has been a journey that few other worship leaders seem to share! Starting with a healthy marriage is a definite plus, and ongoing communication is the key to effectively leading as a couple. Lessons For Leading Together Mike was leading worship for years before I was, and I would sing in his band. I would sing the song as laid out in advance, and then step away. As I naturally grew into spontaneous singing, and prophetic singing now and then, there was a growing frustration because I wasn’t able to move the worship on from there without an instrument, while my husband was leading from the guitar. When we finally worked out that we could “do this thing together,” there was a relief, and a new tension. We could pick the songs together, but what about changing direction during worship? I didn’t want this to be Mike’s responsibility alone, and I did want to share in what God was saying to us. Mike’s tendency from so many years of leading on his own was to take charge and leave very little space for me to make mistakes. Having talked this through, he realized that he had to let go, and allow me the freedom to fail. Mike has also had to change the way he plays to some extent. If I am leading a song and he senses I’m not going to lead it in the usual way, he will hang around musically between sections of the song waiting to see where we’re going. If he guesses wrong, he quickly changes the chords to fit. He now leaves musical gaps for me, so if I have something from God or simply something on my heart to sing out, I have room to do that. He’s had to be very flexible and give up the reins, as it were, which hasn’t been easy - but has brought so many blessings, such as: Spending more time together Appreciating each other’s giftings Practicing at home Sharing responsibility for worship Diffusing worship ‘limelight syndrome’ Modelling preferring one another When men and women lead worship together, whether married or not, I feel they model a fuller sense of the character and likeness of God. We have seen quite a few couples start to lead worship together in the last 5 years. There are lots of people who have the ability to lead alone, but lack the confidence. Leading as a couple may provide a sense of safety as you shoulder the worship together, and bring a whole new dimension to your relationship, and to those who encounter you worshiping together.